Alcohol has become my melatonin
And now all these thoughts I have are flowing
I feel like I am not growing because of all the things that I am showing
They show me that I'm a scared little child who is afraid to let go
Who lets their emotions run wild
And I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry

Because all I care about now is the bottle against my lips
And all you care about is forgetting that I exist
And it's terrible when your obsession for someone turns to depression
Because they are obsessed with forgetting every word you've ever mentioned
They want to throw the past in the trash like a used napkin
I don't want you to see the state that I am in

If it wasn't for you I'd be fine
So why the hell can't I get you off my mind?
Why does your smile still motivate me and make me think about the good times?
I should feel regret and shame, and feel as if you were never mine because that's honestly all this was
I feel like I was your experiment in love
Where you tested and hypothesized every formula you could think of
And I was the subject who wasn't supposed to change
But with all of these experiments, how could I stay the same?

I'm sorry this was too hard, and that I am so demanding
All I wanted was your love and a bit of understanding
Understand you broke my heart and getting over that's not easy
If it was I'd forget everything that happened
Please believe me

I'd forget that you left me crying alone on the floor with a knife against my chest, yelling "Nothing's worth living for!"
I'd forget you started seeing the friend you said would always be nothing
But as soon as I was gone you and he turned into something
And that's why my trust is broken
And why I'm not easily mended
I told you it would take time and you said you understand this

You said you wanted us again and that you would never leave my side
And I was so taken by you I was foolish enough to believe in your lie
Every single fib you spoon fed me and all of your positivity when you said you wanted this
And that you were still in love with me

But I guess it's when things aren't easy that people believe that leaving is probably for the best
At least you'll never see me or everything you've made me
Because you're two hours away and enjoying the rest of your days with your friends and your drinks and the company I don't even want to think about
But of course I'm stuck here again
Thinking about our past all the time
And trying to get you to still be mine
But I've realized we can never be friends