Whoever said life was a gift never received mine
I'm sick of pretending I'm fine
'Cuz I know I'm not, If I was I wouldn't be having these thoughts
Oh no
I have the gun ready, laying on my bed
Where my old lover would lay her head
Back when she loved me
Now I'm just lonely
I am nothing

Well it's not just about her or other peoples' hurtful words
Life is just one lesson I could never learn
I trip over my feet and look down at my street one last time
Yeah that's just what I need
Another sad memory
This run down place just ain't what it used to be

I can't remember the last time I was happy
Maybe life ending won't be that depressing
I bet it beats the hell out of living in a world so ungiving
In a place so uncaring
It's been ten years since I saw her, my beautiful daughter
She said:

"You never loved me! You never watched me dance! You had eighteen years, you had your fucking chance!"
"Darling I'm so sorry. Daddy was so busy. These excuses are pointless, I know you can't forgive me..."
"Don't expect pity! You aren't worth it to me! Goodbye and good luck father, have fun being lonely."

That was the last thing she told me
Darling, I still love you and I hope you're happy
I close the blinds
Think back on my life
Realize that I never did anything right
It's in my hand now
Oh God it's real now
Well I know somehow death will give me some form of relief
No I can't sleep knowing I was never what I could be
Maybe that's just the way that it should be

Back when I was a child the routines were always mild
Bruises and memories I'd forgotten about for awhile
But I still have my scars
They remind me of what we all are
Just bones and flesh that mesh with the earth and that's how it all ends
At least that's what I'm told
To live an honest life and die old
But I guess the idea of a happy life is completely oversold

There's nothing left for me to show
No one here to tell me no
No one to say "If you go then I swear I'll also go"
But I really don't need that
It's just another burden I'd have left
In these next few moments I'll perform my final theft
I wonder how people will speak
Maybe they'll say he was just too weak
Or he was bothersome like a sink with an unfixable leak

Will anyone miss me?
Will the lovers that kissed me recall any of the good times that we had at all?
Will anyone be at my funeral?
Will they even find my body at all?
Because in this apartment no one comes over or calls
And God if you're listening could you forgive me for what I'm doing?
I know death is not a choice but this is what I'm choosing

It's now facing my temple
I thought it'd be a lot more simple
But now I'm crying and trying to think of reasons to stay
No I already made up my mind
I can't back out, I know it's time
I've got my finger on the trigger
Assuring myself everything will turn out fine
Now it'll finally be done
I refuse to run
Slowly I count backwards
3,2,1.